“There’s a fine line between being vulnerably honest and just being honest. Has a friend ever called early in the morning, right when you were waking up? Can you remember how you talked then, before your defenses were up?
When we’re vulnerably honest, our defenses are down. We’re gentler, kinder, more open about ourselves. When people preface whatever they’re going to say with “I’m just being honest,” they’re usually going to tell us what they think. Vulnerability doesn’t need a preface or an introduction. It comes from the heart, and it speaks for itself.”
Yesterday was just one of those days. I don’t always like the way culture works here or like living here. It’s true. I decided a long time ago that I valued honesty, vulnerable honesty, and that I would make good effort to practice that, all the time if possible.
It’s a challenge to be honest. People may not agree with what I say. That, however, is not my problem. And these are just my feelings. They are not right. They are not wrong. They are mine though.
So, how am I feeling today? Hmmm. Well, I haven’t spent much time in the kitchen so that’s a good start. I’ve managed to get some bigger work projects out of the way that I wanted to take care of well before the beginning of December, so I have a feeling of accomplishment.
I’m feeling excited. It’s exactly one month today until we are on a plane to Seattle where we will spend three days with friends and witness their start as a married couple. After that we will be driving up to Canada to spend the rest of the holidays with my family. Another reason for excitement right there.
I am missing my family. This weekend my Dad figured out how to use MSN Messenger for the first time. Yesterday my Mom told me about the smile that broke out on his face when he realized that he was in fact talking to me, an ocean away, thanks to an internet connection. I almost cried. This will be the longest stretch of time that I have been away from my family. I love them. I miss them. I am SO looking forward to sitting around the dinner table with them and my husband and sharing life together. Dinner time is when I believe we are the truest, most relaxed versions of ourselves, and they are some of my favorite times.
I am feeling grateful for the subtle wisdom of friends. Friends that remind me that there are things in life that I don’t have to worry about because they are really not my issues to deal with. It can be so easy to take on other people’s stuff. But I don’t have to do that. I’m grateful for listening ears, or reading eyes as is sometimes the case with this crazy system of communication that I have with the homeland.
I am feeling expectant. Tomorrow is Wednesday. The class with be half over. We will be three days away from resuming some sense of normalcy. Soon Chris’ parents are visiting and I am looking at the calendar with GREAT EXPECTATION towards their visit. It will be so fun to have family here and to share our life with them.
So there I am. For now.