Yesterday afternoon I had one of those melt-down times. I’ve been feeling a bit useless lately, like I’ve worked myself out of a job in the last year and a half, and haven’t figured out how direct my energy yet. It’s so hard feeling that coming from a place where I did feel like I was making a difference and felt productive. I know that God has stuff up his sleeves for me, I just don’t know what it is yet, and I’ll be honest, sometimes I’m really afraid to find out what it might be. Chris and I spent a bit of time talking about getting outside of my comfort zone which made everything inside me seize up, so that’s probably a good sign that it’s time. I know that I’m more than capable of doing so much here, but there’s this weird fear sitting there and I’m not sure why.
Anyway, all that to say that I was feeling like a wet rag yesterday evening, and we’d been invited to go down to Le Xaragua, a hotel down the road, to have dinner with some missionaries and the team they were with. Chris asked if I still felt like going, and considering that I’ve also been feeling lonely lately (again) so an evening hanging out with English speaking Americans that were all roughly the same age as us was exactly what I wanted to do.
I came home feeling really blessed. God’s sense of timing is so perfect. I forget that so often. I’m glad he reminded me last night. This group of people were such an encouragement to me in so many ways. As we sat down to visit with complete strangers we were amazed at how interested they were in what we’re doing. Constant questions that came from genuine interest, not just from wanting to make conversation. It was nice for me to talk to women that felt the need to ask about living here, in the day to day. And I felt loved and comfortable enough to talk about the good and the difficult.
After dinner the group was doing their debriefing time and we were invited to stay and participate, which under normal circumstances would have felt weird, but after a couple of hours I felt so at home with these people. As everyone shared and talked God used their words to speak right into my discouragement and all of the other things I’ve been feeling. Everything they said hit me on some level. Linda and Joe Markee have been coming to Haiti for over 20 years to use their medical skills to help the people. Chris and I know them through his parents and I first met them over lunch in Vancouver, Washington. Last night I got to see their work and hearts reflected in the people that had joined them to minister for a week, and in the hugs and love they poured out on Chris and I. They lived in country for two years so with a few simple sentences there was an understanding of some of the things I’ve been struggling through and a connection that’s hard to put into words. I just know that God used them last night in helping me see more of himself and the things he wants for me.
One of the women on the team gave me another gift last night. She literally took the shoes off her feet and gave them to me. I just commented on how great they were and she told me to try them on. They fit perfectly so she told me to keep them. If you looked at my shoe collection you would probably think that I don’t need them, and it’s probably true. But they solve a problem for me. Chris always wants me to wear shoes that I can run in when we go anywhere outside of our local area, just in case something happens. I have hikers and I have uncomfortable sandals that I never wear because they give me blisters on my feet. And I have flip flops. The shoes I was given last night are like sneaker sandals that are comfortable and cool. Now I can give away my uncomfortable shoes and make my husband happy. The crazy thing is that if I had been in a position where I could afford to buy another pair of shoes, the ones I was given last night would have been exactly what I bought. Exactly. Again, God’s perfect sense of timing.