Mixed Blessings

May God bless you with discomfort and easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain to joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

This really spoke to me this morning. Living here is uncomfortable. It’s heart-breaking. It’s hard. But knowing that this is what we are to be doing gives me a greater sense of contentment than I have ever felt. I realized that’s what I was feeling over the last few days. Contentment. We are here, and this is home. This is our life. This is our calling. There are days that are difficult and will bring me to tears. There are days where I don’t understand. There are days where I feel angry at what I see around me and want someone to take responsibility for it. There are moments where I realize that no one knows how to do that. There are times where it’s easier to harden myself to everything around me and I just go and clean my house because that feels normal. There are days where I meet people that surpass the others I have met in my life with their generosity and hospitality. Sometimes I feel tired from being called “blan” and being hissed at and called out to. I get excited when I see small advancements and realize that maybe things are moving forward after all. I was thinking the other day as I looked at roads being worked on and water pipes being installed, “What will we do if we’re not needed here anymore?” Maybe I would feel lost because this is our life. Maybe we would be living in a place where things were readily available, the roads were all in good shape, people had jobs, children weren’t going hungry and people were content. I felt sad thinking about how boring that might be. Oh, I do mean that would be here, not somewhere else. Let’s face it, living here is an adventure. Chris has said before that he doesn’t know what he’d do if we had to move back. I thought he was crazy. I had a hard time understanding how people made it to the 10 and 20 year mark with their sanity and still came out with a huge love for this place. I think I get it now. I like our life. I want this life. As difficult as it is at times because I miss friends and family and being able to go to a movie or order pizza, I LIKE our life.

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About Leslie

I'm Leslie. Wife. Mother. Missionary. In the day to day my husband and I are responsible for running Clean Water for Haiti, a humanitarian mission that builds and distributes water filters to Haitian families. Living in Haiti full time provides lots of stories, and as I tell my husband, our grandkids probably won't believe most of them. Maybe writing them down will give me some credibility.

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