Okay, now the story about why there’s now an elephant stuffie in our house.
Elly was a way for me to keep myself busy.
On Monday some friends of ours stopped by on their way back up north where they work with another project that we did training for a few years ago. They’re very involved in the community there. They asked how the adoption was coming along and then one of them said, “Hey, they should adopt Benita’s baby girl! She’s a newborn.” We talked about it for a few minutes, but then Chris and I dismissed it.
Chris and I talked about it a bit more later, and again, I dismissed it because of some concerns I had.
It wouldn’t leave me alone though. I know enough from the journey that God has taken me on to not ignore that nagging feeling. It’s often God talking to me and I just don’t want, or am not ready to listen. I thought about it, prayed about it, and then told Chris that maybe we were too hasty about dismissing it.
The mother, Benita, has some major problems. She has a past of being badly abused and neglected, and because of it is now almost completely mentally gone and not able to take care of children, but she gets taken advantage of and keeps getting pregnant.
Chris and I called John to get his advice. He told us what things we would need to get, what questions to ask and told us how things would proceed if it worked out. We emailed our friends with all the info and questions, then we had to sit tight and wait. And wait. And wait while they talked with Benita and got some info.
It was excruciating.
It was stressful.
It was crazy to think that this might be where it all started and that we could very soon be parents.
I tidied the house.
I folded laundry. For the record this is my least favorite chore and the laundry usually sits until we need the basket again before it gets folded.
I made Elly. I needed to do something to take my mind off things and keep my hands busy.
The email came back. It had really only been a few hours, but it felt like forever. The news was that the baby had been taken by the current boyfriend to be looked after, which was great, because she was being looked after. Chris and I were totally cool with it because we just needed an answer of confirmation. This isn’t our baby, and that’s fine.
The whole process was amazing. My brain went to all sorts of places. We had a plan for how we would proceed and I was thinking through all the steps of that. Chris would have done the 8 hour drive each way to go get the baby and our friend and bring them here. I would have had to stay home because of my back and the really terrible roads. Then we would have all gone into Port the following day to meet with John and get the lab work started. My mind was planning what would need to be packed. How many bottles, formula, diapers etc. It was crazy. At least it felt crazy.
I think it would be easy to think, “Oh, poor us, we didn’t get the baby.” But, we’re not. In a way, it would have been really stressful. Chris would have had to do the turn around drive in one day – 16 hours of driving. I think the whole process was actually good for us. It showed me that we are ready. We could go at the drop of a hat. We’re ready emotionally too, as much as one can be. I’ll admit, I was having a hard time with the fact that Chris might have met our child without me. That’s something that’s so important to me, that we do it together. Despite that though, I was willing to let go of my wants if it was what God had in store for us. One of our big concerns was that we would need to get all of the paper work. John has people to do that for us, but in this case we would have been reliant on others and we have no idea how long that would have taken. We’re trying to make this go as quickly as possible in any way that we can, and want to be diligent with the paper work when possible.
I think the biggest thing that this showed me is that we just need to wait on God’s timing. That’s the hardest part. I’m having a hard time waiting. I want to be a mom. I want to love a child. Chris is ready too. We talk about it. I see it in the way we’re going through the days. But, our part in it right now is to keep praying for that baby and to wait. God knows the desires of our hearts and he has promised us that he will be faithful in all things. We believe we’re doing this because he wants us to start our family like this, but it’s so hard to wait! The crazy thing is that I know that when it happens, it’s going to happen so fast. It’ll be a phone call and then we go. There won’t be any turning back, just full speed ahead. And I know that when that happens, the hardness of waiting will be a distant memory.
Please continue to pray for us as we wait, that we’ll have patience and that God will be using this time to not only prepare us for being parents, but to help us enjoy the last time in our married life together not being parents. We’ve been really blessed by each other and Chris and I thank God for each other. We know what we have is a very special gift and we love that we love living life together. We’re also really excited to share that with another person and to love living life with them too :)