The blog has been on the quiet side. Sorry about that. I was just really enjoying my time at home with my family, and resting and doing things that felt good. And now, the journey back to my other home, Haiti, has started and I feel like I’m mostly ready. I miss my little family and our routine, not necessarily everything that is Haiti, but I do feel ready to tackle that again.
My little brother’s wedding was great. They did an evening ceremony and dessert afterwards. I had a good time reconnecting with cousins and aunts and uncles and family friends and other friends, all of which I hadn’t seen in years. Because we haven’t been able to travel as a family in about 2.5 years we’ve missed a lot of family functions, and before that when we were able to travel we often had to make choices, like a brothers wedding vs. family reunion. It was just so nice to be there and catch up and get hugs and to have felt missed.
I also had time over the last week, and this last weekend especially, to spend some time with some of my favorite people. It was so fun to catch up with them and see how our lives have changed. The last time I saw my old care group friends was at one’s wedding. Chris and I had been married a year and one was just starting to date his now wife. Looking around the room on Sunday night and seeing a little soon to be one year old, a baby bump, and knowing they were all waiting for the day to meet Olivia was fun. I love that we can move into the next phase of life and share that with each other. I can’t wait until we can go home as a family.
People asked if I was running from one thing to the next. Nope. And it was nice. Glad I made the choice to just take things a day or so at a time. When I was flying into Kelowna on the 16th I had to fight back tears. I just had such an overwhelming feeling of finally being in a place where I could rest. I had enough distance between myself and Haiti and I could finally breathe. Flying out today I felt a sense of calm and gratitude that I had the time away. It was really healing and much needed. I feel like I can take things on again. I also feel a deep sense of hope. I feel like things might finally be swinging for the better. It has been a hard, hard year and a half for us. There have been things that we didn’t talk about on the blog, either because it was too hard and there were no words at the time, or because we felt it was best for our personal safety. Some of those things got told while I was home and that was therapeutic.
As you all know, one of our biggest struggles has been our adoption. Chris and I made the commitment before we ever brought Liv home that we wouldn’t leave the country together and leave her in Haiti. I’m glad we made that choice, but it was a sacrifice. We chose our own personal well being at times so we could keep our family connected. It has been hard, but I know neither of us regret it. And, it will make that first step onto Canadian soil as a family that much sweeter. And the best part is that I feel that we’re getting closer. Chris went into the courts last Tuesday to sign documents before the judge, something that was part of the legal process well before the quake. That means things are moving. We are feeling hopeful. As I was seeing people and visiting I felt okay saying, “We’re hoping to be home this summer.” And I felt like I could say that for the first time in almost three years. For the first time I had no reservations, no question marks hanging in the air, no “not sures”. I have no idea if it’ll pan out, but it really feels like it will, and my past has taught me to trust that deep gut feeling, that deep peace. I know that the day we get to tell all of you that we’re clear to travel is going to be a very good day.
I’m sure I’ll have more things to write about after I get back to Haiti and have a bit more time to process the contrasts and the feelings of being back. I’ll try to get some pictures up too, because some of my stalkers told me I don’t post enough (Hi Diane!).
I also want to say thanks to all of you that I did see while I was home. Your hugs felt SO good. Your words of encouragement melted my heart and helped heal some of the broken parts. It was healing to see you and to be loved on a little, and to know that even though we haven’t been around in person that you follow us on the blog or through email updates, and that those things are important to you. Thank you for reminding us that we’re loved and missed. It was overwhelming at times, but also made me so excited for the day that we can be home as a family and be there with you for a bit longer of a visit. It’ll be SO good.
Less than 24 hours until I hug my sweet baby girl and her daddy. Can’t wait!