One thing I like about our life is that it’s never boring. We think things are going one way and “WHOA!”, something happens and we find out we’re in fact going in another direction. And those directional changes mix things up a bit and keep things interesting. And, often I can see the blessing in them.
As I shared on here, I was “planning” on flying back into Haiti this week, on Tuesday in fact. The “plan” was that I would be there with a team from my home church. A team that we had been wanting to have come for about a year and a half. The “plan” was that I would be there with them, we would do all the normal Vision Trip type things, and then we would all come home together. (Are you getting annoyed yet with my over use of quotation marks?) It was a good “plan”.
But, as I shared, plans change, and sometimes the reasons are not what we expect them to be.
You see, two weeks ago I took two pregnancy tests and they came back positive before the control line even showed up. And yes, I cried like a baby. In a good way, of course. I was about 5 weeks pregnant and feeling good and we didn’t see a reason for me not to keep my plans to travel. Until the morning sickness hit last week.
With the last pregnancy I had no morning sickness. After doing a bunch of reading and talking to friends and family the consensus seems to be that morning sickness is a good sign that things are developing well. I should point out that when I say “morning sickness” I am in fact one of those lucky women who has it hit anywhere between 10 am and noon, and has it all. day. long. Sometimes it comes and goes, and sometimes it’s there all. day. long. And I don’t just get queasy, I get full on sick. BUT, we’re trying to take it as a good sign. So much so that when I announce my accomplishment of the hour Chris cheers me on and tells me I’m doing a great job. He’s so supportive that way. Sometimes he even tries to help the process by mention things that might make me gag. And then he gets lectured about how that’s not funny.
Soooo, last week. I was still planning on traveling, but was thinking constantly about how I was going to manage the sickness and the flights and the heat and putting on a smiley face while I was there. In the midst of one of my stomach emptying episodes while I was trying to convince myself that this truly was a great thing, this being sick, it was like a still, small voice said, “You know, you don’t need to go to Haiti.” And I realized it was true. All my reasons for wanting to go were fine, but they weren’t more important than taking care of myself at this time. And the truth was Peter and Sara would be fine hosting the team. It was all me wanting to be the one to show them our lives there, and being that hostess with the mostess and having that direct experience with “my people”. I had been looking forward to it, but it really was not the most important thing right now. So, I decided to stay home and be sick here instead. And I have complete peace about it. Yesterday we went and helped the team pack, and as much as it would be fun to be there with them, I know this is the best choice right now and I feel good about that.
So, that is our news. Olivia is going to be a big sister. We are feeling blessed. What is most amazing to me is God’s timing in things. We had been “trying but not trying” for several months. You know, not worrying about it and knowing we’d be happy if I got pregnant. We had said for the last couple years that when Liv’s adoption was done we would work on expanding the family. We knew we were getting close so we just stopped worrying about things and decided to let nature take it’s course. I love that I got pregnant when we were here. We have several months of vacation left and our stress level is almost at zero. Anyone who has had a miscarriage will tell you that those first few months are the hardest, because you’re always waiting for something to go wrong. We can be home during this time surrounded by people that care about us. I have access to good medical care. I have just felt really cared for and loved, rather than feeling scared and alone and unsure of this whole process. It’s such a blessing.